OFLUXO

DID WE EVER LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT DESIRE?

I find myself in a space that makes me feel nothing, but my eyes are still leaking. A piece of ice melting on the carpet. A glass of milky sake with no ice. Did we ever learn anything about desire—where does it come from and why does it feel like such a dead end sometimes?

I didn’t see the plastic wrapped around the bread and started spreading butter on it. I would like to smash my phone just so that we could finally meet in real life (I know then you’re gonna say something like: “Define real”). “Why was there nowhere to go anymore?” (F) To see and to be seen. “You know that he used to model because now he looks bored all of the time.” (C) I feel like when they asked me to speak, they expected that I would say something about the relationship between feminism and capitalism, but, honestly, I didn’t have anything interesting to add to the conversation so I stopped thinking about it (“The future is female!”)

It’s easy to be cynical within a culture that encourages an attitude based on disbelief. Attracted to people that make one feel a sort of longing for something unattainable, while not really drawn to people who are alive, but undesirable. If we manage to change what we desire, can we heal?

(Just because you’re bad at playing the game doesn’t mean that you have to spoil it for everyone else, ok?) Did we ever understand anything about desire? The freeways are burning, but we can only extinguish a few. The mass extinction of butterflies is just not something you can think of everyday. I imagine waking up from this dream and you’re there. Everything feels simultaneously too early and too late; and even though satisfaction is something short-lived, what you want—you want it so bad; squeezing broken glass while other things happen on their own time; impossible to leave now, right?